~*Threw my Eyes*~

Wow just cuz we r good friends or just cuz I’m engaged I’m not a fucking girl?! No I’m pretty sure I’m still fucking woman, I’m damn sure I like to complemented an looked at like I’m do-able. Yes I’m engaged but damn I’m not dead! I’m not a fucking tranny! I mean really?! That like me telling a guy “yea you have a cock but I’m not sure you know how to use it!” They know how it works etc etc but it’ll still bother them that your doubting their ability. I mean I still want to be seen as a fuckin woman with curves an if I look god f king tell me.. Damn! It would just b nice to know I’m still seen as a attractive woman! That is all!!

Today I woke up late but I was in time, I’m still mad, but alil calmer
Ringing in my ears sucks ass and I still have 2 1/2 hrs to go!! :-( but it’s better then yesterday. :-)

Honestly feel worthless, invisible, see threw.. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore! Help!

So my wedding is getting closer an I have nothing booked an no decorations bought yet. I think the idea of having a wedding.. is for people that can afford it.. well my parents cant.. an his parents are not hiding it that they WONT help at all.. So I guess our wedding is just a dream.. that I’ll have to let go.

So tonight Vin had something to do an I helped the best I could an we went to dinner an had a good time an on the way home, he tells me I have License… O.o?!… … “oh shit” I had left where we had to make copies FUCKINNNNNNNG AWESOME!! I told him I would pick it up in the am an that wasn’t fucking good enough.. so you know what LEAVE ME ALONE DON’T ASK ME TO DO SHIT ANYMORE i CAN ONLY FUCK IT UP!!

Wish I was fucking invisible! … … … :-(

~Di

Some people ask me how much I’m affected by the seizures.. I really can’t remember the actually seizures them selves. I do mean ANYTHING, I have pictures of me touching Alexys before she went to Monmouth.. I don’t remember any of Sunday & the rest of that week is  blurry. I do however know the damage they have caused. I’ve a problem remembering things. I’ve to do repetitively, before it sticks. When I started driving I took pix of where I had to go an program them in my GPS on my phone, couldn’t remember certain people, I had my nurses tell me who people were when they left the room. I have nerve damage on my left side, meaning… sometimes my left side is fucking useless, I have problems lifting, grabbing, holding anything functions on my left.. LIMITED!! I twitch randomly, the twitching can happen at any time. I hate the fact that sometimes I’ll b in the middle of a thought an I’ll loose it. I’d love to get everything I lost back but I don’t know how.. Beside taking something I don’t know.. This years an Next I will trying to get check out by a high risk dr. so they can tell me whether I can have another baby, Hopefully I can! I want another baby, we’ve always wanted two children an hopefully we can. well mind clear thanx for reading night all

<3 Di